Up Your Ass

Just so I can make this clear off the bat, I AM NOT talking anal. :)

So this is a combination of quite a few friends and MANY dates. So you meet a guy/girl, go out on a few dates...this is good...SEX is involved and things are going nice. So the ultimate phrase comes into play, "Let's JUST be friends". I do hate the phrase. Really all the other person is saying to you is that you are sort of interesting~ and although you may be good enough to fuck every once in a while, the thought of spending multiple days in a row with you is frightening. So, you become friends, and after a few weeks you stop stalking him and go on to your regular life. Maybe you even stop sending him 20 emails, 50 text messages, 100 voice messages, and candy grams (O.K. I ONLY sent one candy gram and I was desperate...LOL). You begin to forget about him and even though you enjoyed the sex you do start to realize that maybe his penis WAS a little small. Then HE text messages you....yep, you did keep his number in your phone....you tell yourself that you kept it in there just incase he called and then you would know that it was him so that you can NOT answer the phone. (yeah keep playing that mind game with yourself...it's working). But instead of NOT answering the phone you decide to make him know how much you DON'T miss him, and you answer. So in the process of convincing him that you do not miss him, he tells you how much he misses you and that he would like to get together. (Yeah, your WHOLE reverse psychology thing is really productive). Now, to make a VERY long story much shorter....you go out...you fall for him again, he then realizes that YEP he ONLY likes fucking you and he would rather NOT intrduce you to his friends and family. You then stop talking as much and begin to drive past his house in you best friends vehicle while you are scrunched in the backseat asking her if she sees a mysterious car in his driveway. THEN it happens....your not interested anymore and you stop calling him. THEN HE BEGINS CALLING AGAIN....what the hell is going on!!!?????

Why is it when a girl seems to not be as interested in a guy he begins to pay more attention? Is it bordom? Is it that he really DOES like us but he is scared of his feelings? <------- BTW, that one still always cracks me up.....

JUST get rid of his number...he really wants nothing more than a screw and let him find another hopless woman to do that to...plus the gas that you are wasting on driving past his house is not worth it.

Quoted By Sharon Stone

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

The KISS...

So what is up with this first kiss thing? I mean, there is a lot to be said about how a man kisses...YUMMY! I am no expert at kissing...I did not write the book or anything, but I believe that I am very good at it. Over the years, I have kissed some amazing kissers and they have commented on my technique...so I can honestly say with complete confidence that my kissing abilities are far above average. So, how does one become a good kisser?

A friend of mine called me two nights ago, she happened to be with a particular gentleman that she works with and they happened to be in a situation that rendered them drunk and back at her place. So they began kissing and some other things....believe me, I would write the other things, but her and I have not had a chance to completely talk the details out, so as SOON as I know them I will make an update. So, I asked if he was a good kisser. (I wonder if this is the first thing that men ask when a guy is telling a story? Probably not...theirs is more like..."Does she give good head?") and she replied back with, "what made him good is he realized what I liked and adjusted to that". BINGO!!!

So this got me to thinking...is a good kisser one that has a fantastic technique? Or is he/she one that adjusts to their partners desires? So, let's talk about some bad kisses, great kisses, first kisses, and kisses that should have never been!

BAD KISSES:
Open MOUTH!!!! O.k. I have a big mouth (in SO MANY ways) and I like to open my mouth. So when I am kissing a guy, if I feel like I am kissing a small bottle opening then I am going to be less enthused. OPEN THE FUCKIN MOUTH. Ok...slobbering...I like a sloppy kiss and most women I know likes a guy that can lick around, cause then we know that the guy can give u one damn good HAPPY ENDING...HOWEVER, if we are wiping off spit for a week then this was not an experience that we want to attempt again. This I bet you is a very personal preference....NO SOFT KISSES...now I do have to elaborate and say that there is a time and place for a soft kiss....and I also have to say that coming in for a crazy hard kiss the first time is not a turn on either, but damn guys, I want to know that this is the way you are going to be in bed...and all the soft shit is for old people. Make an attempt to drive her crazy...and there is NO girl out there who does not like the secret (OR in my case NOT SO SECRET) thought that her man is going to ravage her body at any give moment.

First Kisses:
The first kiss is crucial, this will decide whether your getting off or getting out. So some things that you must know or have a feeling of is whether or not to make the attempt. **DISCLOSURE** just because you and her may have been talking about sex on the phone before you have met face to face does NOT mean that you are entitled to a first kiss.

• don't rush it....feel her out...tease a little
• TEASE a little
• TEASE
• nibble...NO DAN not BITE...nibble on her lips
• HAIR..grab hold of the hair at the back of her head while you are kissing her makes a WORLD of difference...oh and a slight little pull heightens the moment,
• the previous bullet helps lead into the roughness.....when you have her hair, you have a hold of her head....you control it at this moment, use that to your advantage....women can take a little hint of this too....EVEN men who like to be in control like a little of aggression by their girl.
• DO NOT come in for the first kiss if the girl is NOT giving you the signals....this would be awkward and bad....bad....bad.... If you are trying to hold her hand and she is finding other things to do like go for a walk instead of holding your hand..SHE DOES NOT want to kiss you goodbye or in any other fashion at ANY other time

Body language is good....know to adapt and change...just cause you THINK your a cassonova...does not mean that you really are...take clues from her...and as my friend sais...:He changed according to what I liked".....be that great kisser that she will want to take into her bedroom in less than 2.5 seconds!

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition. ~Clare Whiting

LOCK that phone

I have this new phone...I am still learning how to use it, but it does have a mind of its own sometimes. Usually when I am talking on the phone with someone it calls another. I don't mind a three way but at least warn me ahead of time. So today I was helping a friend of mine move...and her and I were talking of our weekend ventures. Well then some of the conversation turned a little on the sexual side...yes, well I know that most of it does. And I began speaking of a few men that I have/are/were involved with...so I began to talk in detail about few of them. AND GUESS WHAT? My phone decided to call one of them while I was talking....Yeah...not good...not good at all....

SO the moral of this post...PLEASE make sure your phone is locked BEFORE you decide to speak about ANYONE!

The Sleepover

Let's talk about fucking for a minute! So we all do it, some do it a lot more than others do it. And the nice thing is POF brings more people together that would not normally "cum" together.
O.K., so this is the situation. You find someone that you are interested in, you have him/her cum over and then starts the real fun and games. You play with toys, try some great new positions...and then have some great time "cumming" together. So, what happens after the fun and games are over? So your laying there together, she came, you came....DO YOU LEAVE? So what does leaving and spending the night mean?

My girlfriend had a guy over the other night...great times at Ridgmont High! So the festivities were over and she waited, waited for him to say he had to get up early...waited for him to say, "thanks for the blow job, but I really don't like u that much I was just using you to blow my load". BUT he didn't, he stayed. So what does that mean? Anything? A guy that I am taking to said that we are trying too hard to figure out what a man is thinking, when most of the time they are not thinking anything.

So to guys out there....TO MOST WOMEN..the sleep over after sex MEANS something! So if you are not liking this girl, or just want to leave it as a sex and go situation...you may want to hit the road afterward.

So to the ladies out there...just because you have mind blowing sex and he cuddles a little afterward and your ready to pick out your china....him spending the night and having coffee the next morning does not mean that he feels the same way.

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
Brendan Francis

Friends VS Dating

I had an interesting conversation with a man from POF last night. He seems to be an intelligent man, witty, nice, fun, talkative; yes there are things wrong with him ladies, I have never talked over the phone with him and I have never seen a picture. But, HEY, things could be worse, right? HE COULD be married...LOL. Anyway, so we are talking about relationships and a little about sex (not enough to get my panties in a bunch, but enough to make it a little interesting). He states to me that he likes to take things slow, finally a man that does not want to jump into the sack with me five minutes after we meet. He says that he would like to take it slow and be friends for 5-6 months. I at this point have a few red flags popping up, but I continue to talk. Remember it took Prince Charming 1,000 years to cut through the forest and wake Sleeping Beauty...so I do know that these men take a little longer than the average NORMAL woman. I continue to listen, until he says the one crucial piece, "So we can take it slow and be friends for 5-6 months, is that good?" I Say, "yeah, that is no problem to me, I think that is sweet". Now here is the interesting part, he says, "So are you going to be talking to any other guys during that time?"

SCREEEEEEECCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wait a second, if I remember correctly when two people are friends does it mean that the rules of relationship apply?

Dating:
Dating constitutes going out together to the movies, to dinner, maybe over each others house for a drink or some romping under the sheets. During this time, the two people in question are probably seeing other people. To think that you are exclusive and that no one else is getting their dipstick dipped into her on a Saturday night, is asinine.

Friends:
NOW, when two people are friends seeing IF they may possibly want to date, there are a few things that are different. Neither party will be going out with each other on a regular basis...maybe dinner is only a few times a month vs the dating scenario that may be a few times a week. Phone calls are a lot less during the week, BOTH parties can talk openly about the other people that they are screwing, and that romping in the sheets with KY's best new brand of Lube, NOT HAPPENING.

Relationship:
Now contrary to my ex-boyfriend's belief; when one is in a relationship with another person there are a few EXACT rules that apply. A relationship means that the two people in question have decided that they do not want to have anyone else involved in their lives. They have decided that they would like to keep all others out of their bedroom and telephones...this is when you decided that a Saturday night will almost indefinitely be with the other person. AND, this is where the seeing or talking to other people STOPS!!

So, there are two things that are a common theme with dating and friends...IN BOTH of them, the thought that each party is NOT seeing or talking to others is ludicrous!

So, I ask of all single men and women out there. Why the friends word? WHY not dating? What is so scary about the word dating, that we avoid it at every cost? Why is it we would rather pretend that we are doing something else so that we can sleep better at night? Have we all become non-committal people that we can not even label what we are doing with the correct piece of grammar? I mean, most people cannot even buy a car, they lease, cause then if they get tired of it they are not stuck, and if they really like it then they can buy it in a few years. WOW.....



By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.

-- Dorothy Park

Ooops.....

O.K., with a site like POF with an average of 10,000 visitors a day; what are the chances that three people would know eachother? VERY HIGH...LOL
So, let me tell you a story;
In a land far far away there was this girl. She met this guy and was instantly attracted to him. And from the way that he was acting, was very attracted to her. So they, like all adults on a dating site, had some WILD crazy sex. Things were going well for the two and it looked good. Well one thing that the girl was overlooking, he wanted to be FRIENDS.....yes that wonderful word EVERY girl wants to hear from the guy that she is screwing. But, the girl decided that she was going to continue having some fun times with him; cause she will make him fall in love with her right? :) All guys start off just wanting to be friends while they are just having sex, right? It's cause they are secretly afraid of getting hurt...OMG do you really believe that? LOL Anyway, I digress....
So the girl and guy were going well, and then a horrible demon came and killed their love...LOL, or the guy realized that the girl was falling too hard for him, and he ended it. However they never stopped thinking of each other. And a few weeks later the guy called the girl and they rekindle their WILD awesome sex.
Well, like every story there has to be a climax..(yes, I did say climax). Well, little did the girl know, there was another in the picture...and she was MUCH closer than you think. (this is getting good, huh?). So the girl gets a call from her friend and she says..."Guess what.....I know someone that is having WILD crazy sex with the same guy you are...and she met him the same way.....
And they lived Happily Ever After....

So, the moral of the story is.....If he says FRIENDS ladies...he really MEANS friends...he does NOT mean..." I really like you but I am scared of my feelings"

ALL persons in this story is fictional and should not be mistaken for the stupid fucks that they are!

False Impersonation

I am one of those hopeless romantics, like many women out there, and believe that my prince charmng is going to ride in on his white horse and take me away. What I have come to know is..

There is NO fucking prince charming
The horse is dead, kind of like his car
MEN don't change, and either to women for that matter...so why are we kidding ourselves
If he is still single baby, then there is SOMETHING wrong with him
and YES MEN that goes for the women...they are single for a reason too!!

Sometimes I would rather just have a fantastic sex life on the phone and through imming...most of the men sound and look better there anyway. AND...I can wear what ever the hell I want, I don't have to do my hair, smell or look great. And the best part is, I don't have to fake it....I HAVE MY HANDY DANDY TOY!!
So, what are we looking for here? What do we expect to find?

How long?

O.K. well, this is my first (yes I am lying) try of online dating. With over 11,000 people online at a time, you would think that somewhere, someone would find the perfect person. It is absolutely amazing that there are all these people out there and no one can find each other. The funniest thing is there is ALWAYS a story that your friends tell of "a friend of a friend", who found their husband online and they are SO happy. I think this is urban online dating legends. :)

So after the few months that I have been online through this site, I have seen many of the same faces over and over again. So, my question is...when have you been on a dating site too long? Have I come to my expiration?