Back in the Saddle Again

Good or Bad...I'm back! Let's take a moment to compare my life right now to the popular song.....Welcome Back Kotter...

"Welcome back, Your dreams were your ticket out. **Meaning...you so wanted a relationship and you thought you found one in this great guy that seemed to be everything you wanted** Welcome back, To that same old place that you laughed about. **Meaning...when I thought I found Mr. Perfect...I was looking back at all you NON relationship people with an evil grin** Well the names have all changed since you hung around, **yep...I see there are some new people to this dating thing....** But those dreams have remained and they're turned around. **everyone is still searching for true love...NOPE...not finding it here*** Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya) Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya) **It is like Hotel California...you can come in but you can't ever leave** Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back, Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.<-----back forever probably........YIPPEEEE

So with a teae in my eye...and my laptop booted up...I return to the wonderful world of online dating....I find it somewhat invigorating...all the interesting and unique people that I will meet...OH LOOK a new message...and yes ladies and gentlemen....a guy wearing a yellow lame suit taking a picture with a cardboard cutout.....oh god...it feels good to be back....I'll continue to sing my theme song....Welcome Back.....your dreams were your ticket out...welcome back....

Double Standards

I am sorry to my friend that this is about, but you gave me my "AH HA" blog moment today when we were outside having one of those things that everyone has been up my ass about smoking.
So, I was talking with this fabulous person about my blog. Due to the fact that if the author of this blog was known to many, there would be a national disastor...and many people would lose their lives (I am kidding about the national disastor LOL), there are not many people who has this blog location. So, when I feel close to someone I will give them the address for them to dive into the dark life that I have created for myself. So...I asked my friend how they liked my blog, and they did (they even stated that they may have peed their pants a few times during the reading of it). HOWEVER...after that nice reflection of my writing abilities they said the one thing that I never even thought of..."ooooohhhh your a little bitter". OK hold up here my used to be friend that I may now have to slice your tires so that I can PRETEND to want to give you a ride home, but end up dropping you in a ditch somewhere......what did you just say? BITTER? Am I really bitter? Bitter about all the using, backstabbing, freaks of nature that call themselves relationship material posing as human beings on the Inernet and in bars? Ok..that did sound just a tad bit bitter...it's late and I just had to do homework with a ten year old, what do you expect.

O.K. back on track. I AM NOT BITTER!!

So.....i was doing some research on this so called "bitter" topic that my EX friend said I was. And one thing that I realized was....women seem to be called BITTER and men are called "not a relationship kind of guy", I mean come on.....a guy treats us like crap....uses us like a piece of meat...takes our money...expects us to pay for EVERYTHING....and barely wants to make time for us...then breaks up with us...and WE are called bitter...he is called "smothered". O.K. so I wanted to hand feed him and help him dress in the morning, doesn't every girl want to do that? NOW....if we women use the guy...and this is a stretch...cause we ALL know that we (women) are perfect and never do anything wrong in a relationship...but if this were to ever happen in some FICTIONAL land we would be called a BITCH and he would be called taken advantage of. So....let me recap here....either way you look at it WE ARE THE BAD GUYS!!!!!! or girls! :)

So...why this double standard? Why are the women the over emotional crazy loons that don't know how to act after a relationship is over? I mean come on....give us a little credit here...it's not like we write songs about slicing tires, writing our names in our cheating boyfriends car or anything like that!

So...to my friend..I am not bitter, but realistic! Realistic that most men do not have the cojones to actually be honest and tell a woman...
"I am just going to use you for a few months. I like you (sorta), but I am really looking for the next best thing. I truly just want to see how many girls I can screw and screw over in my life. The guy with the most broken hearts WINS!"

All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all others.
Quoted by Cynthia Heimel

Types of Men

It has been a while, I am sorry that I have not been as loyal to my bloggers as I have been in the past. There has been a little lul in my life, but don't you worry I AM BACK ON TRACK!! Today's topic is one that many women and gay men alike know of: The FOUR types of men. NOW, I will say that there are quite a few men that I have run into that fall into multiple categories (this I will example later in the blog). So, when reading this, if you find yourself thinking "MY MAN IS NOT like that", you are a) kidding yourself b) must be dating the second comming of CHRIST or c) delusional and have not been taking your medication properly.

First Type of Man
Hit and Run-
This man is a funny little character. He is one that will place ads all over the Internet on various sites. Most of the time he has a GREAT picture, one that shows off that cute little smile. He has an interesting profile, saying all the things that most women want to hear. And I will say that he genuinly believes that things in his profile. When you message and or call him, he is interested in what you have to say, even talks about meeting up with you. And guess what? YOU DO MEET UP! You meet, he is attentive, romantic, funny, and completely the guy that you are looking for. So, you let down your guard and have a little fun with him that leads to a lot of fun that leads to HEAVY PETTING!! So, you are on cloud 9, he EVEN calls you when he is on his way home saying that he had a terrific night. So, you sleep well dreaming of the children that you will someday have with the wonderful man you exchanged fluids with. You wake up the next morning and you cannot wait to talk to him again. NOW, if this was 1983, you would have waited for him to call you. BUT this is 2009 and you have text messaging...you send him a good morning message in hopes to get something cute back (like you did BEFORE you met). NOTHING..."he must be busy", you say to your self. YOU WAIT! NOTHING....all day long. That's ok cause he must be busy, right? NO! He is not busy...you have just met the Hit and Run GUY. This guy is super interested but as soon as he knows that it could lead to a little more, he is GONE! The funny thing about these guys...you are not done with them. They WILL call again, and if you are not heavily medicated and at your full potential youjust may go with the cycle until you realize there are just so many tire tracks a girl can have before she cannot find a pair of shoes to match. THIS ONE will NEVER change. He loves to make as many conquests as he can...and the Internet is his ocean.

The Smotherer-
I know you are thinking that I just made up a word, believe me I wish I did. This kind of guy is the creepy kind. Yes, it seems wonderful at first, this great attentive man will make you feel like a princess. He may even buy you tons of romantic gifts at the beginning of the relationshiop. So how can this guy be single you wonder OVER AND OVER again? You like him so much, he is over everyday...you two are inseperable. Then you want to go out with the girls one night, he pouts cause he wants to be with you. AWWWWW thats so adorable, but like the independent girl you are, you go. You get tons of cute text messages that he misses you...AWWWW! NO this is NOT AWWWW.....this is the starts of a smothering relationship. You may not go out for a while, you may stay with him as much as possible cause you love that he is soooooooooooo attentive. However, the minute you do decide to go out, he acts the same way again. But this time he is a big ol' baby about it. "You must not love me anymore", "you don't spend time like that with me", "I'll go out with my friends then"...waawaaawaaa LMAO. Get rid of this one. He has MOMMIE issues and will never change. Ask yourself, is being treated like a princess worth loosing your identity? NO IT'S NOT...........NEXT!!

The Committment Phobe-
This man is the worst of all. This man is a Trojen Horse...and wolf in sheeps clothing. He may or may not come off like the Smotherer at first. But 99% of the time, he tells you want you want to hear.He will stay up on the phone with you talking about your desire, dreams, wants, and ambitions. You seem to know so much about him in a short period of time. Many times the Committment Phobe will move REAL fast, you hear things like "I have never met a woman like you before" "Other girls I have dated are not like you", or my favorite "I LOVE YOU". Now please do not think that I am not a romantic and think that some relationships can start off strong and be fantstic. This type of guy shows his true colors soon. Now when the committment phobe has you...this is where the scary things begin to happen. You notice he pulls away often, but not enough to make you think that he wants to get out of the relationship, but enough. He begins to do more things with his friends all along telling you how much he loves you and misses you and should have stayed home with YOU instead. So, you think BOYS WILL BE BOYS, and forgive him. So, you begin to do more for him cause you believe that if you showed him how much you loved HIM he would return to that guy that was at the beginning of the relationship. He does for a little but then returns to his old self. Then you find him on dating sites "just LOOOKINH"...when you confront him, he tells you that those were sites that he was on before he met you....and that he logged in to see how to delete his profile (logging in once could be the truth....logging in four times a day for a week is not) OK PLEEAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....you believe that? YEP...we do, we believe that cause "that could happen" NO....a blind mouse could delete his profile off of a dating website on the first try. BUT you are convinced that he must love you cause he is still around and still telling you that if he wanted to be with someone else he would. <-------------- that last part is true. If there was someone else that he found while he was "deleting" his profile.....he wouldn't be with you. This kind of man believes that he wants a serious relationship and then cries to everyone how he tries so hard, but girls end up breaking up with him for no reason...or they just keep cheating on him. Don't pass go...DON'T collect 200$ GET OUT OF THERE FAST! **I did date a guy that was a smotherer and a committment phobe...so yes, the two can meet** And for those of you that knew him...he was a crazy fuck. And another little side note...many of the smotherers that I dated...tended to have small cocks, not sure if thats a correlation...but I am throwing it out there! :)

The last Type of Guy
The Good Guy
YES...it is not a myth or an urban legend. So ladies do not feel depressed or think that you will never find Mr. Right...he is out there. My queen has found him and so has my mom. So, no the odds are not with you...but like any good deal...you have to KEEP SEARCHING!
Happy Dating!

NOW I know why your single!!!!!

I want to go on the record to state the I think that the dating sites out there are fabulous for many reasons. I have personally met some wonderful people that I have remained friends with, that I would not have had the wonderful opportunity to meet otherwise. I have also met some great people through my friends that are on dating sites...so, my critique of these sites and the interesting people (and I do say that "tongue in cheek") that are on it is not really meant to be completely negative. BUT what the FUCK is going on!!!!?????

For one...there is a profile....yes, that little thing that you fill out when you hit.."register for this site". This is the area (for those of you who are fucking clueless and think that this box is meant for blah blah blah...shit) where you talk about yourself. Think of this as the first conversation with your potential life mate...or date...or fuck buddie if that is what you are looking for** side convo here....please refer to a future blog on this topic of FUCK BUDDIES**.

So, in this "all about me" box is where you might talk about your love of food, fish, dogs, quiet walks on the beach, how you love to cuddle, and possibly where you may add that you have 7 years of drama with your baby's mamma...OR NOT!!

This box is where most of us get a small glimpse into the life of a psycho before we know that he is psycho **or her...men, please don't think that I do not believe that women do not falsify their boxes too<------I made a funny :).

Listen up...just in case you are not sure about this, let me lay this on the line...MOST PEOPLE READ YOUR BOX...so lieing about the amount of children you have, whether or not you are still married, how you hate dogs, or that you expect your significant other to take care of you fully .is not cool.

THIS IS WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE people. Do NOT lie. Tell it how it is...tell people the truth, they will eventually figure it out....so if you don't want anymore children...do not add "not decided...or maybe...or we'll talk about it later"...say..."I HATE children, and the thought of having to pay for the little shit for the next 23 years cause I cannot stand the sight of your face anymore, makes me want to run in front of a moving 18 wheeler carrying acid". <-----this is honesty!! Yes, it may turn a few off...you may not get as many men and women wanting to try a first date with you, but come on....you really don't right now anyway....so what do you have to loose?

So instead of writing this...

hi, I am a 32 year old man that is tired of the games. I like to have fun, but I have a soft side too. I am looking for a girl that is ready for something more serious. I do not want to rush into anythig right away, but want to see where things go. I have a 3 year old daughter that is the love of my life, I see her as much as I can! So, if you are ready for a real man, like to have fun, but can appreciate family time...message me.

Write this....

Yo sexy ladies....I am a 32 year old BOY that hates all the drama that girls bring to a relationship. I have dated many girls but realize that you are all fucking crazy. I LOVE to party with my boys and do it as much as I can. I will give you the as much time as I want to...but don't think that you are going to go out too...I want you there for me when I WANT YOU! I hate being in a relationship, cause I hate having to answer to anyone. So, I would like to fuck you as much as possible (if your good), and if I want to keep you around, I may let you think we are dating. I have a child that I see when I am not out with my boys. I see her cause I pay her bitch ass mom child support and it is court ordered. So....if you want a man that can make you cum three ways Sunday...and you are o.k. with me calling you for a booty call at 3 am when I am done with my boys....drop me a line.

The Green Eyed Monster

I was having a party the other day with some friends, my sister happened to be there also (yes, the infamous blogger has a sister....unfortunately we are polar opposites. It's like Marilyn Monroe and Marilyn Manson being related...I will not tell you which is which, since she also reads this blog.) The topic of jealousy came up...not quite sure how it did, but as everyone knows....get a bunch of CLOSE friends together...Martinis and and Margaritas....and MANY topics come up. So we ( o.k. I mean I) was polling the crowd to see who was a jealous person and who was not. As you may have guessed...there was not ONE person in the group that was jealous...yeah I believe that load of garbage...I do not think that there is one person out there that does not get at least a little spark of jealousy. And by a little jealousy, I do not mean following your significant other to the grocery store to see if they are checking out the cashier and then slicing their tires for asking for the Bonus Card. I mean having that "OMG" feeling when something happens, and you secretly wanting to rip out the throat of the gorgeous woman that they looked at for 1.2 seconds as she walked by.
So let me correct my previous statement of NO ONE...actually my sister did say that she is struck by the green eyed monster quite often, I was a little shocked by this, since my sister always was the stable one in the family. If the decision was to place her or I in a dark room with a knife and three people we hated the most....SHE was the one you would assume would NOT hack up the crowd... :)

So...I was thinking about that and wondered how two people that were raised by the same parents with the same values could be complete opposites on the subject. Nothing really came to mind until the jealous bug hit me the other day. NOW, let me tell you a little history on the matter of me and jealousy. I have dated many men who were "social" for a lack of a better word. Very flirtatious men who had LOTS and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS (I think you get the picture) of girlfriends. And many of these girls still hung around. And after I began dating these men, I realized why....LOL! So one of my ex boyfriends that I dated for a few years, who was considered a LADIES man used to go out with his female ex friends on a regular basis. There was nothing inside of me that sparked the green eyed monster. And now a few of you reading this are thinking to yourself. "It's because these other girls were not attractive, or didn't pose a threat to you". WRONG....these ladies were very attractive...VERY...and in fact were almost exactly the type that turned him on...A LOT! The thing was, I just was not jealous...and my thought was...if he wanted to do something with someone else, he is going to do it whether I am jealous or not...so I didn't worry at all. AND GUESS WHAT? He never cheated on me, and I do believe him...he was not like that ( at least with me he wasn't...he he he). And this is how I have been with most of my boyfriends.. Well, the other day I took my boyfriends daughter to the pool..nice day, something to do with the kids and all. And the absolutely gorgeous lifeguard that works there was laying out in her skimpy she hasn't had kids to ruin her body bathing suit. And let me tell you she has one KNOCK OUT BODY. And her face is very pretty too. So I get there in my cover it all cause I don't want the world to see what I truly look like under this cover up bathing suit and begin to get the kids into the pool. So, she begins small talk with me like she always does...asking where I have been...how work is...how cute my son is...BLAH BLAH BLAH... and she was talking about something and my little Princess says "Oh yeah my dad and I came here the other day"...Now, this was like in slow motion...The beautiful I eat nothing but rice cakes life guard looks at Princess and says.." Yeah on Monday afternoon"..then turns to me in another slow motion look and says.."OH is THAT your husband?" NOW LET ME TRY TO DESCRIBE this a little more to you. THE LOOK on her face was OH FUCK FUCK FUCK I think that my flirting and hoping that this gorgeous guy that must have JUST moved in and that I masturbated to his image for the past few days is MARRIED! My Princess replys to her stating that we are dating...which is nice :) Beautiful lifeguard that now I want to take my cell phone and jam it down her throat, laughs off the awkward smile with..."well soon to be husband"! If ever in my life I needed a empty country road with some great friends and lime..............

So...we are walking over to our seats and Princess says...yeah Daddy and her were talking when we were here.....(whats that sound that comes out of a cartoons ears when they are mad to show the steam?...THAT was what I heard at the moment). So here I am in my not so sexy I had two children and I have no time for the gym bathing suit...and she walks over to her chair with her I am thirty and I have a GREAT ass, look at my long wavy hair like I am some kind of super model bathing suit...AND the GREEN EYED MONSTER HITS. And now I am wondering what they talked about...and why he didn't come to the pool with us today...and will he want to come here again when I am not with him so they can talk some more? And does he wish I looked like that! And I realized that this is EXHAUSTING...OMG you women that are constantly jealous expend a LOT of energy on this stuff, and I reminded myself that...there are MANY MANY MANY very hot I look like this when I get out of bed and I could suck the SHIT out of your boyfriends finger till he gets hard in his pants kind of girls. BUT the one thing they don't have is what I am. And what I am is wonderful. So, the I look great and I wish your boyfriend was mine life guard can have her thoughts, because what I have is a very sexy I like you a lot and I may even love you when I am drunk kind of guy. And I will not let the GREEN EYED monster take that away.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

To Be Exclusive, or NOT to Be Exclusive...THAT is the Question

Remember High School? Oh yeah, when you liked a boy....you flirted, he flirted back. You got your VERY best friend in the whole world to talk to his friends to see if he liked you...then you find out he does and then he asks you to be his girlfriend....OH THOSE were the days. He walked you to class....held your books...called you on the phone....sat next to you at lunch...and wrote you cute little notes telling you how happy he was to have asked you out. Things were so much simpler then.

So, now you are older....much more mature.....now you text his friends to see if he is interested...you no longer have to go through your friends to do it. And there is sex involved now....and might I add...as women get older...THE SEX is awesome! I am not sure if it is because we are more comfortable with who we are, or cause we are more apt to speak our minds and say.."no not there...move over a little to the left....use the vibrator I took out....yes we DO need more LUBE....!"O.K., so you meet up with him at TGIFridays and as he walks in for the first time and you look at him and think, HOLY FUCK this guy is a HOTTIE! His eyes are piercing, he has the best smile that you have seen in a long time...and his body is fucking incredible. And like any normal wholesome young lady....you go back to his place to fuck him like the animal he is. And might I add......HE NEVER has to worry about his size mattering... :) So, here we are talking, sharing stories of our lives....meeting friends....family....going to parties...and many other things that a "couple" would do...BUT here is the question....ARE YOU A COUPLE? Are the two of you exclusive? Are you seeing others? When does he place his school pin on your sweater? It was so much simpler in high school....if a guy was calling you on the phone and meeting you by your locker then everyone knew that you two were an exclusive item...NOW, even though he may be sticking his cock in every orface of your body (a few times a night......mmmmmmm...NO WASTE of calories here) it does not mean that the two of you are exclusive. He could still be receiving a nice happy ending from the girl next door...(and in my case is someone I know...SO I KNOW thats not happening....LOL). How do we ask? Do we just say " are we exclusive?" ..."are we an item?"...."are we dating?"....I know that many of you may think that, if a man and women are spending most of their time together and they are fucking a few times a week...then they would be able to safely assume that the relationship was exclusive....yep, I would think that too...BC...now I know how much of an ass one becomes when they assume.

Note to self...the R & C factor are things that men shy away from fast....so even though it looks...feels...smells...and tastes like a relationship...as long as they don't have to add that word..they are SAFE!

“I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?” Charlotte from Sex and the City

That Was a Waste of Calories!!

I know that many women out there are or have been, some time in their life, on a diet! Diets are just the way of life, unless your one of my very good friends...we will call her Chicken, she is just naturally BEAUTIFUL and skinny. I keep her around cause if she was not a friend she would be competition and I CANNOT HAVE THAT!. So, YES Chicken we are ONLY friends cause you are way too beautiful to have as an enemy (and I love that I can bounce a quarter off that FINE ass of yours). So...when ladies are on a diet...there is MUCH cheating that we do....we lick bowls (no fat or calories in that)...we taste others' dishes (yep...no calories there either)...and there are many other ways we try to convince ourselves that we are not adding extra calories and fat to our diet.

So....as many women, I am also watching what I eat...I was at a meeting the other day and birthday cake was given to us to try. So all the ladies decided that we were going to "share" the one piece of cake, this way we could help each other not eat so much. I ate my lunch and completely forgot about the slice of cake that was on the table.....so as I was walking by to throw it out, I asked one of my co-workers how it was...actually I said..."Is it worth the caloreis?"....all I got from her was a YUMMMMMMMMMMMM. At that point I realized that the few fat grams and calories I was going to consume was worth it....so I took a bit (or ten....) and was very happy to do so. Now, on the other hand...there have been many times that I was watching calorie consumption and the calories were SO NOT worth taking in.

When we are adding new notches to our bedpost...there are many "calories" that are worth adding, and there are many that we wish we had never consumed. So...I was talking to "Vikki" (yep tha'ts what I will call her...LOL) and she was talking about a boyfriend that she had dated for a while and that she was now talking to him again on Facebook...I asked "was he good in bed?" and her response was..." A WASTE OF CALORIES"...and this also happened to be the girl who told me the cake was....YUMMMMMMMMMMMMM...LOL! If only we could have someone tell us whether or not the guy that we are about to fuck is work the notch. There have been quite a few out there that I would have rather not consumed. HOWEVER...if you know ANYTHING about women, you do know that....if they are not good in bed, we do NOT report them in our count. NOPE...ONLY guys that are good to great in bed get reported...so I think I have only slept with.....ummmm.......2 guys...yep two!

Enjoy those calories girls!


Sex in a woman's world has the same currency a penny has in a man's. Every penny saved is a penny earned in one world and in the next every sexual adventure is a literary experience. by Harry Golden

Does Size Matter?

One thing that online dating has helped me with is the search for the perfect cock. I have never in the past thought of a man's genitalia s much as I have over the past few months. I guess cause I have never seen so many...and the wonderful variety that I have been exposed to. I have known for many years that there are many sizes, and I will say that over the years I have been one of those women that stated, "It is not the size of the boat it is the motion of the ocean"... yes that is the lamest thing that any girl can say. What we are doing is giving the small cock men a thought that they really have a chance. NO chance sorry. I am not saying that a man with an average penis is not worthy of being with, but unless these guys have some mad ass skills, the thought of rocking on a wooden porch swing waiting for the grandchildren to come over is NOT going to happen. When the thought of the bullet that we are using is bigger than the man we are sleeping with....YOU NEED SOME INTERVENTION!!

And I never realized that there are SO many small penis guys out there...and I think that most of them think that they are big...NOPE..you are not. Now, this one guy that I was seeing a few months back....not sleeping with (he could ONLY wish)...started our sex conversation with....did you know that average size of a man's penis is 3-6 inches long. WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE...are you truly kidding me? Telling men that the average size of a penis is 3-6 inches is like telling a bride on her wedding day that torrential downpours are a sign that she will have a happy marriage. These is the stupid shit that we tell people so that they can try to get through their day without popping a bottle of pills.

So after he stated this to me, I began googling the average size of a man...I was dedicated to find out if all the men that I have seen over the years are average to above...cause up until recently, I have had the distinct pleasure to fraternize with men of larger stature (what a lucky girl I have been). And come to find out, there are many undeveloped men out there...so we are really playing Russian Roulette with our dating lives. I mean come on, think if we waited to have have sex with a man until we were married to him and then found out that we were spending eternity with a Smurf? Yeah...that would be a blast! So I found this blog that had women comparing their man's dick size...other than finding out that there are many amazing cocks out there and many that needed the male enhancement pill....i was incredibly turned on and had to make sure that if I was going to continue reading this blog I was going to need to go to Sam's Club and invest in some AA's.

So I am a girl that is going to go on the record to state that SIZE does MATTER!! I am so sorry if this blows a lot of men out of the water...I know that there are things that men who are small can do...but really...how much oral can one girl handle?

Quoted By "Samantha," Sex in the City

Men do this all the time. Women walk around thinking "we," and their version of "we" is "me"...and my dick

Ghosts of Relationships Past

O.K. so one of the biggest things that come into play when one starts dating is our past. So over the past few days I have come to realize that a specific person that I am seeing is getting a little more "under" my skin than I anticipated. I started this second round of interaction with my eyes more open than the last, I didn't want to fall as quickly as I did before. BUT like most women we have a hard time separating our love of the sheets and the love of the men that take us to wonderful places....along with the help of our battery operated devices.

So I was psychoanalyzing my current situation with a friend of mine. Actually I think that my emotions are running high right now just due to my current HORMONAL time...so most of this conversation was me being unrealistic; one theme that came out was our ghosts that we carry from previous relationships. How often do we catch ourselves looking for our current love interest to "DO" that one thing that we hated about our ex? I refer to mine as BC (Before Chuck)...before him I was a very open, and trusting person. Not that I am not now...but I do catch myself being a little too critical of what is happening around me...thanks asshole. So....talking to my girlfriends, I see that we all have those same ghosts in our rooms. How can we carry all these extra people in our current relationships? When can we get rid of all these ghosts? Is it possible?

Is there an exorcism that we can perform to clear us of all the hauntings we have? But then again, do we want to? If our ghosts from relationship past are not there can we truly grow?

Happy Haunting!

Up Your Ass

Just so I can make this clear off the bat, I AM NOT talking anal. :)

So this is a combination of quite a few friends and MANY dates. So you meet a guy/girl, go out on a few dates...this is good...SEX is involved and things are going nice. So the ultimate phrase comes into play, "Let's JUST be friends". I do hate the phrase. Really all the other person is saying to you is that you are sort of interesting~ and although you may be good enough to fuck every once in a while, the thought of spending multiple days in a row with you is frightening. So, you become friends, and after a few weeks you stop stalking him and go on to your regular life. Maybe you even stop sending him 20 emails, 50 text messages, 100 voice messages, and candy grams (O.K. I ONLY sent one candy gram and I was desperate...LOL). You begin to forget about him and even though you enjoyed the sex you do start to realize that maybe his penis WAS a little small. Then HE text messages you....yep, you did keep his number in your phone....you tell yourself that you kept it in there just incase he called and then you would know that it was him so that you can NOT answer the phone. (yeah keep playing that mind game with yourself...it's working). But instead of NOT answering the phone you decide to make him know how much you DON'T miss him, and you answer. So in the process of convincing him that you do not miss him, he tells you how much he misses you and that he would like to get together. (Yeah, your WHOLE reverse psychology thing is really productive). Now, to make a VERY long story much shorter....you go out...you fall for him again, he then realizes that YEP he ONLY likes fucking you and he would rather NOT intrduce you to his friends and family. You then stop talking as much and begin to drive past his house in you best friends vehicle while you are scrunched in the backseat asking her if she sees a mysterious car in his driveway. THEN it happens....your not interested anymore and you stop calling him. THEN HE BEGINS CALLING AGAIN....what the hell is going on!!!?????

Why is it when a girl seems to not be as interested in a guy he begins to pay more attention? Is it bordom? Is it that he really DOES like us but he is scared of his feelings? <------- BTW, that one still always cracks me up.....

JUST get rid of his number...he really wants nothing more than a screw and let him find another hopless woman to do that to...plus the gas that you are wasting on driving past his house is not worth it.

Quoted By Sharon Stone

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

The KISS...

So what is up with this first kiss thing? I mean, there is a lot to be said about how a man kisses...YUMMY! I am no expert at kissing...I did not write the book or anything, but I believe that I am very good at it. Over the years, I have kissed some amazing kissers and they have commented on my technique...so I can honestly say with complete confidence that my kissing abilities are far above average. So, how does one become a good kisser?

A friend of mine called me two nights ago, she happened to be with a particular gentleman that she works with and they happened to be in a situation that rendered them drunk and back at her place. So they began kissing and some other things....believe me, I would write the other things, but her and I have not had a chance to completely talk the details out, so as SOON as I know them I will make an update. So, I asked if he was a good kisser. (I wonder if this is the first thing that men ask when a guy is telling a story? Probably not...theirs is more like..."Does she give good head?") and she replied back with, "what made him good is he realized what I liked and adjusted to that". BINGO!!!

So this got me to thinking...is a good kisser one that has a fantastic technique? Or is he/she one that adjusts to their partners desires? So, let's talk about some bad kisses, great kisses, first kisses, and kisses that should have never been!

BAD KISSES:
Open MOUTH!!!! O.k. I have a big mouth (in SO MANY ways) and I like to open my mouth. So when I am kissing a guy, if I feel like I am kissing a small bottle opening then I am going to be less enthused. OPEN THE FUCKIN MOUTH. Ok...slobbering...I like a sloppy kiss and most women I know likes a guy that can lick around, cause then we know that the guy can give u one damn good HAPPY ENDING...HOWEVER, if we are wiping off spit for a week then this was not an experience that we want to attempt again. This I bet you is a very personal preference....NO SOFT KISSES...now I do have to elaborate and say that there is a time and place for a soft kiss....and I also have to say that coming in for a crazy hard kiss the first time is not a turn on either, but damn guys, I want to know that this is the way you are going to be in bed...and all the soft shit is for old people. Make an attempt to drive her crazy...and there is NO girl out there who does not like the secret (OR in my case NOT SO SECRET) thought that her man is going to ravage her body at any give moment.

First Kisses:
The first kiss is crucial, this will decide whether your getting off or getting out. So some things that you must know or have a feeling of is whether or not to make the attempt. **DISCLOSURE** just because you and her may have been talking about sex on the phone before you have met face to face does NOT mean that you are entitled to a first kiss.

• don't rush it....feel her out...tease a little
• TEASE a little
• TEASE
• nibble...NO DAN not BITE...nibble on her lips
• HAIR..grab hold of the hair at the back of her head while you are kissing her makes a WORLD of difference...oh and a slight little pull heightens the moment,
• the previous bullet helps lead into the roughness.....when you have her hair, you have a hold of her head....you control it at this moment, use that to your advantage....women can take a little hint of this too....EVEN men who like to be in control like a little of aggression by their girl.
• DO NOT come in for the first kiss if the girl is NOT giving you the signals....this would be awkward and bad....bad....bad.... If you are trying to hold her hand and she is finding other things to do like go for a walk instead of holding your hand..SHE DOES NOT want to kiss you goodbye or in any other fashion at ANY other time

Body language is good....know to adapt and change...just cause you THINK your a cassonova...does not mean that you really are...take clues from her...and as my friend sais...:He changed according to what I liked".....be that great kisser that she will want to take into her bedroom in less than 2.5 seconds!

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition. ~Clare Whiting

LOCK that phone

I have this new phone...I am still learning how to use it, but it does have a mind of its own sometimes. Usually when I am talking on the phone with someone it calls another. I don't mind a three way but at least warn me ahead of time. So today I was helping a friend of mine move...and her and I were talking of our weekend ventures. Well then some of the conversation turned a little on the sexual side...yes, well I know that most of it does. And I began speaking of a few men that I have/are/were involved with...so I began to talk in detail about few of them. AND GUESS WHAT? My phone decided to call one of them while I was talking....Yeah...not good...not good at all....

SO the moral of this post...PLEASE make sure your phone is locked BEFORE you decide to speak about ANYONE!

The Sleepover

Let's talk about fucking for a minute! So we all do it, some do it a lot more than others do it. And the nice thing is POF brings more people together that would not normally "cum" together.
O.K., so this is the situation. You find someone that you are interested in, you have him/her cum over and then starts the real fun and games. You play with toys, try some great new positions...and then have some great time "cumming" together. So, what happens after the fun and games are over? So your laying there together, she came, you came....DO YOU LEAVE? So what does leaving and spending the night mean?

My girlfriend had a guy over the other night...great times at Ridgmont High! So the festivities were over and she waited, waited for him to say he had to get up early...waited for him to say, "thanks for the blow job, but I really don't like u that much I was just using you to blow my load". BUT he didn't, he stayed. So what does that mean? Anything? A guy that I am taking to said that we are trying too hard to figure out what a man is thinking, when most of the time they are not thinking anything.

So to guys out there....TO MOST WOMEN..the sleep over after sex MEANS something! So if you are not liking this girl, or just want to leave it as a sex and go situation...you may want to hit the road afterward.

So to the ladies out there...just because you have mind blowing sex and he cuddles a little afterward and your ready to pick out your china....him spending the night and having coffee the next morning does not mean that he feels the same way.

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
Brendan Francis

Friends VS Dating

I had an interesting conversation with a man from POF last night. He seems to be an intelligent man, witty, nice, fun, talkative; yes there are things wrong with him ladies, I have never talked over the phone with him and I have never seen a picture. But, HEY, things could be worse, right? HE COULD be married...LOL. Anyway, so we are talking about relationships and a little about sex (not enough to get my panties in a bunch, but enough to make it a little interesting). He states to me that he likes to take things slow, finally a man that does not want to jump into the sack with me five minutes after we meet. He says that he would like to take it slow and be friends for 5-6 months. I at this point have a few red flags popping up, but I continue to talk. Remember it took Prince Charming 1,000 years to cut through the forest and wake Sleeping Beauty...so I do know that these men take a little longer than the average NORMAL woman. I continue to listen, until he says the one crucial piece, "So we can take it slow and be friends for 5-6 months, is that good?" I Say, "yeah, that is no problem to me, I think that is sweet". Now here is the interesting part, he says, "So are you going to be talking to any other guys during that time?"

SCREEEEEEECCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wait a second, if I remember correctly when two people are friends does it mean that the rules of relationship apply?

Dating:
Dating constitutes going out together to the movies, to dinner, maybe over each others house for a drink or some romping under the sheets. During this time, the two people in question are probably seeing other people. To think that you are exclusive and that no one else is getting their dipstick dipped into her on a Saturday night, is asinine.

Friends:
NOW, when two people are friends seeing IF they may possibly want to date, there are a few things that are different. Neither party will be going out with each other on a regular basis...maybe dinner is only a few times a month vs the dating scenario that may be a few times a week. Phone calls are a lot less during the week, BOTH parties can talk openly about the other people that they are screwing, and that romping in the sheets with KY's best new brand of Lube, NOT HAPPENING.

Relationship:
Now contrary to my ex-boyfriend's belief; when one is in a relationship with another person there are a few EXACT rules that apply. A relationship means that the two people in question have decided that they do not want to have anyone else involved in their lives. They have decided that they would like to keep all others out of their bedroom and telephones...this is when you decided that a Saturday night will almost indefinitely be with the other person. AND, this is where the seeing or talking to other people STOPS!!

So, there are two things that are a common theme with dating and friends...IN BOTH of them, the thought that each party is NOT seeing or talking to others is ludicrous!

So, I ask of all single men and women out there. Why the friends word? WHY not dating? What is so scary about the word dating, that we avoid it at every cost? Why is it we would rather pretend that we are doing something else so that we can sleep better at night? Have we all become non-committal people that we can not even label what we are doing with the correct piece of grammar? I mean, most people cannot even buy a car, they lease, cause then if they get tired of it they are not stuck, and if they really like it then they can buy it in a few years. WOW.....



By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.

-- Dorothy Park

Ooops.....

O.K., with a site like POF with an average of 10,000 visitors a day; what are the chances that three people would know eachother? VERY HIGH...LOL
So, let me tell you a story;
In a land far far away there was this girl. She met this guy and was instantly attracted to him. And from the way that he was acting, was very attracted to her. So they, like all adults on a dating site, had some WILD crazy sex. Things were going well for the two and it looked good. Well one thing that the girl was overlooking, he wanted to be FRIENDS.....yes that wonderful word EVERY girl wants to hear from the guy that she is screwing. But, the girl decided that she was going to continue having some fun times with him; cause she will make him fall in love with her right? :) All guys start off just wanting to be friends while they are just having sex, right? It's cause they are secretly afraid of getting hurt...OMG do you really believe that? LOL Anyway, I digress....
So the girl and guy were going well, and then a horrible demon came and killed their love...LOL, or the guy realized that the girl was falling too hard for him, and he ended it. However they never stopped thinking of each other. And a few weeks later the guy called the girl and they rekindle their WILD awesome sex.
Well, like every story there has to be a climax..(yes, I did say climax). Well, little did the girl know, there was another in the picture...and she was MUCH closer than you think. (this is getting good, huh?). So the girl gets a call from her friend and she says..."Guess what.....I know someone that is having WILD crazy sex with the same guy you are...and she met him the same way.....
And they lived Happily Ever After....

So, the moral of the story is.....If he says FRIENDS ladies...he really MEANS friends...he does NOT mean..." I really like you but I am scared of my feelings"

ALL persons in this story is fictional and should not be mistaken for the stupid fucks that they are!

False Impersonation

I am one of those hopeless romantics, like many women out there, and believe that my prince charmng is going to ride in on his white horse and take me away. What I have come to know is..

There is NO fucking prince charming
The horse is dead, kind of like his car
MEN don't change, and either to women for that matter...so why are we kidding ourselves
If he is still single baby, then there is SOMETHING wrong with him
and YES MEN that goes for the women...they are single for a reason too!!

Sometimes I would rather just have a fantastic sex life on the phone and through imming...most of the men sound and look better there anyway. AND...I can wear what ever the hell I want, I don't have to do my hair, smell or look great. And the best part is, I don't have to fake it....I HAVE MY HANDY DANDY TOY!!
So, what are we looking for here? What do we expect to find?

How long?

O.K. well, this is my first (yes I am lying) try of online dating. With over 11,000 people online at a time, you would think that somewhere, someone would find the perfect person. It is absolutely amazing that there are all these people out there and no one can find each other. The funniest thing is there is ALWAYS a story that your friends tell of "a friend of a friend", who found their husband online and they are SO happy. I think this is urban online dating legends. :)

So after the few months that I have been online through this site, I have seen many of the same faces over and over again. So, my question is...when have you been on a dating site too long? Have I come to my expiration?